He's Coloring My Air!!

"He's coloring my air! Tell him to stop." Student (Remember, this is a high schooler. Not a snot-nosed second grader.)

"What?" Me

"He's coloring my air!" as he draws a circle in the air with his pen.

I walk away.

Invisible Ink

Me "Where's your work? Why is your paper blank?"

Student "It's there. It's just invisible."

Me, incredulously "Really?"

Student "Ya. I wrote with invisible ink."

Another student "Ya, lemon juice. You need one of those lamp things to see it."

Me- I turned and walked away.

Are You Disrespecting my Family?

This gem was in response to a warm-up translation activity. The sentence they had to translate was "My dad is 45."
One student called out "My dad's not 45"

I responded with "Neither is mine. I just picked a random age."

The kid came back with "My dad's ___" (I forgot the age)

So I said "My dad's 54."

I guess it's a shock to find out your teacher's parents are older than yours because the student said "your dad's *realized what they were saying and thought better of it*"

And I, in a moment in which I couldn't help but respond like Lauren Cooper, said "Are you disrespecting my family? Are you calling my dad old? Because he's not even old, though"

Cell Phones

It went a little like this:

A student said "They didn't have cell phones when you were in high school."

I responded with "Guys, I graduated in 2005!"

The retort was simple and not at all profound, "Ok, they had phones. But they didn't have texting."

Congratulations, high schoolers, wrong again!